A letter you'll never read

My beautiful Juliana,

I know you’ll never read this, but I have to write it anyway.  Perhaps when we meet again in Heaven I will be able to hold you close and whisper these words...

We miss you. Daddy and I are trying to do the things that make us who we are, but who we are has changed since meeting you.  We prayed and hoped so much for you & you fought so hard to stay with us. I am so proud of you, I love you, and though I regret the pain and suffering that you went through, YOU will never, ever be a regret.

I always wanted you - I cried tears of joy when I found out you were coming & even more sweet tears when we learned you were a girl. When we got the results of your 20 week ultrasound - the HLHS diagnosis - I was so scared. I wanted so badly to be strong for you, but I was so overwhelmed.

From the moment you arrived, we were so enamored of you. Your eyes were the brightest I’ve ever seen. I miss snuggling into your soft hair & the feel of you sleeping contently in my arms.  You were such a perfect little love nugget.

I recently read a blog about infant loss that asserted that there is no pain in Heaven, so you didn’t miss out on anything here.  It also highlighted how you won’t have to endure the suffering and rejection that comes with living on this Earth. I’m glad that you aren’t in pain anymore, my sweet angel, but I still wish we could share this life with you. Life here on Earth is full of ups and downs, but I still believe it is worth living.

I wish we could hold you, teach you, watch you learn and grow.  Gavin talks about you sometimes. One of the sweetest moments after you were born was when he asked to give you a kiss. I long to see you play together as you grow.  You two would have been a riot together, no doubt.

We love you so much, Juliana. You were born with half a heart & you took half of mine with you when you left. Your daddy and your brother are getting me through each day, sometimes one minute at a time. We are praying for lots of help, because losing you is too much to bear.
You will always have a home in my heart.
I love you, Mommy

Posted by Kim on 1 reply


01. Dec 9, 2015 at 11:03am by Mom2:

My dearest Kim, this is a beautiful letter to your precious daughter. I believe it’s been delivered to her through the Holy Spirit and she patiently waits for your time together in paradise.  God bless and comfort you with peace in your heart.

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